Pictured: super realistic hair-pulling overwhelmed mama. [this is not true. this is a branded photo taken by the very talented Eden Reiner]

Time and time again, I hear mamas say that they’re overwhelmed, not just with the actual tangible tasks of parenting, but with the noise everywhere about what they’re supposed to be doing to be a ‘good mom’. They struggle with feelings of not being good enough, whether it be due to not living up to their own set of expectations or thanks to the highlight reels on social media that they can’t help but compare themselves to. This results in a real lack of confidence and the voice of the inner mean mama getting louder and louder, saying: You Are Not Good Enough. I’m here to help you put a stop to that ‘runaway train’ of negative self talk and lack of confidence so that you can thrive as a mom, knowing that you’ve definitely GOT THIS. With these three simple strategies, you will be well on your way to a more consistent sense of peace, knowing that you are enough and that everything will be alright!

STOP COMPARING: Easier said than done. But it’s gotta be worked on. Pay attention to your thoughts and words. If you don’t think you’ll be able to catch yourself in the moment, start by being proactive. Write a list of all the things that you often say to yourself or think about yourself or about others when you scroll through social media or when you go to birthday parties and other moms seem to have it all together.
Look at that list. Study it. Journal about what it feels like when you compare yourself to your perception of what other moms are doing that makes them better than you. Then set a serious intention to stop yourself on your tracks each time you do it.
Visualize a STOP sign when you catch yourself comparing yourself and just distract yourself.
Say to yourself: “stop comparing yourself.” Don’t berate yourself or judge yourself for having done it, here you just want to literally stop yourself and find a way to move on. Put your phone down, or look away, or talk about something else. I repeat. Do not berate or judge yourself. You’re human and this is normal. You’re working to stop the behavior, but it takes practice so be patient with yourself and keep at it.
FORGIVE YOURSELF: Yes. You read that right. There’s many reasons why you lack the confidence to refrain from comparison and overwhelm and I’m not going to go through it all on an already long post. But one of the biggest is that you feel like you haven’t lived up to your own expectations of yourself as a mom.
You feel like you have failed or keep failing. You feel like you don’t try hard enough to love every second of motherhood. You feel like you ignore your kids more than is acceptable (what’s acceptable anyway? And acceptable to whom?). You feel guilty for not being super perfect mom.
And you judge yourself for it. And you berate yourself for it consciously at times and subconsciously way more. But you have done NOTHING wrong. You have not failed. You have been learning on the job; the hardest job in the world, probably, but one for which no one truly trained you ahead of time.
You entered into motherhood without any motherhood experience on your resume. How can you expect to excel at every aspect of it? Would you expect that of anyone in those circumstances at a ‘typical’ job?
The journey of parenthood is different for us all, but we are not alone in the fact that we’re all learning as we go. So give yourself some grace and FORGIVE yourself for whatever shortcomings you think you are being bogged down by.
These stories of failure are just that: stories. So try not to just say you forgive yourself and please don’t brush this off. Truly work to understand the reality of the fact that you’re not actually failing and you are doing your best, which is more than enough.
Then, move on to the next step.
LOOK FOR THE GOOD EVIDENCE: We have a tendency to always see evidence of our “failures” whenever our inner critic is acting out. It takes us little to no time to list out all the ways in which we’re not measuring up. “I’m definitely not good enough as a mom. Look, I let my kids use screens. I cook a special meal for them instead of making them eat whatever’s for dinner. I yell at my kids when they won’t listen to me. I forget to reapply sunscreen every two hours…” and so on and so forth. Right? But what doesn’t come naturally to us is looking for the good evidence.
The evidence that shows that we actually ARE enough. That we’re doing a great job even.

What would it feel like to be able to ignore those negative thoughts and instead shut that inner mean voice up ipso facto with rebuttal evidence? Bear with me here, I do have a law background! But, legalese sometimes comes in handy to explain this sort of concept.

So you cook a special meal for your selective eater? You’re getting him fed, aren’t you? He’s healthy, right?

And you forget to reapply sunscreen every two hours? Sounds to me like you bring your kids to fun activities like the beach or pool, though. And if you forgot to reapply it sounds to me like you did apply some to begin with so it’s not too bad.

Photo Credit: Eden Reiner Brand Photography

And do you sometimes catch your kids doing something kind that they maybe learned from you? Or being sweet with one another instead of always bickering? Or smiling, laughing and being excited to see you?

There’s big picture evidence of your ‘enoughness’ as a mom. But there’s also little stuff here and there. And the more that you pay attention to it, the more that it will come easily to think of it when your mind starts playing tricks on you.

One way to practice this is with affirmations that emphasize the why behind them. For example, instead of saying “I am a good enough mom”, get more specific and provide the evidence to yourself. Say something like:

“I am the perfect mom for my kids because I know how to tell when they’re feeling down on themselves and I can come up with ways to help them open up and feel safe”; or
“I am a fun mom because I come up with little games like the tickle monster when they’re refusing to listen and it gets us all laughing and they end up doing what I asked - it might not happen every time, but I can avoid yelling sometimes by doing this and they love it”; or
“I am a great mom because I spend quality time with my kids at the beach or at home watching movies, even though I am often busy and our house is messy.”

You can come up with your own affirmations or statements, but make sure you add the evidence behind it so you can start seeing for yourself all the ways in which you are doing a great job. Type them up and print them out, place them on post-its all over your house, or set them as reminders on your phone throughout the day.

Eventually, this will become second nature and your confidence will have improved tremendously, resulting in much less overwhelm.

Life is not going to all of a sudden be perfectly easy. That’s not what this is about. But you deserve to feel good about yourself, knowing that you can learn from the stumbling blocks, but that you’re definitely on the right track and doing your best - which is more than enough for your children to thrive.

I hope this helped! Please do not hesitate to reach out if you’re curious to see how I could be of support to you on this journey! And if you found this post helpful, share it with a friend who could use these tips too! Be The Village, Mama!

XOXO,

Angie

3 STRATEGIES TO START FEELING MORE CONFIDENT AND LESS OVERWHELMED AS A MAMA